Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
