My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
