No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
That's how pantless uber rides happen
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Randomize
