His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
thus making me awesome and them whores
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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