It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
