Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
