My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I need water and some morals
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
