Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Randomize
