I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
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