Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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