I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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