The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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