Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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