I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
