I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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