I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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