Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
