Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
