$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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