you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
