Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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