I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
