Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
