So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Randomize
