I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I forgot how hot balto sounded
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
My Sexting was not on an AP level
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
