so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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