so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Small penises have feelings too.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
