Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
