Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
