This girl is more easily done than said...
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Randomize
