This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
are you so shy because you have an std?
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
