new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
