PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
