Just fell off a train. Bad.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
