i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Randomize
