Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
