i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
