After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
