So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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