somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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