So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
