If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
