My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
