I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
You took a bar mat shot.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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