Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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