I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
