I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
