while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Randomize
