So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
