he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
