quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
