i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
