chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
