Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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